All I Want Is Now
by blue252
Summary: "Her mind flashes back to his question – his invitation to the Hamptons. He's building up ideas in her head, painting pictures of a Fourth of July spent on the beach, fireworks and bonfires; relaxation and a break from the work she's thrown herself into even harder since Memorial Day. And it's tempting." A post season 2 AU in which Castle returns after only two weeks.
1. Chapter 1

**All I Want Is Now**

"I'm serious about this weekend, you know."

His words mirror the ones he said only six weeks ago, so similar that she nearly stops in her tracks despite the fact that they're currently navigating one of the sketchiest neighborhoods she's ever been in with Castle's flashlight app as their only guide. Slowing down right now isn't the best idea.

Neither is talking about the Hamptons.

But Castle rambles on unaffected as though this isn't some kind of cruel déjà vu moment. As though she hasn't only just begun to recover from having her heart trampled on with half the precinct watching. The memory of him strolling out of her life without a backward glance and his arm slung around his ex-wife's shoulders is not one she'll soon be forgetting. Apparently his memory is more selective.

"Secluded pool, fireworks on the beach, roasted marshmallows…oh, and I always double the chocolate on the s'mores! How can you say no to that, Beckett?"

"Castle!" She snaps his name in irritation, fumbling for a response that won't give away how unnerved she is by this conversation. She _really_ doesn't want to do this right now. Or, ever. When in doubt, always default to the case. "Can you please focus? The sooner we find this backpack the sooner we can get the hell out of here."

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry," he mumbles. "I'm pretty sure the surveillance tape showed it somewhere over in that direction." He points the light from his phone to the right and they resume walking, silently this time.

She sighs inwardly and tries her best to mask the frustration seeping out of her in waves. They've been working this case for the past four days and locating their suspect's ditched backpack may be the last shot they have at getting enough evidence for a confession. But now it's getting late and the summer heat that's steadily blanketed the city for the past few weeks is wearing on her. She slides her hands through her hair, tying it up into a ponytail in an attempt to gain some relief from the oppressive humidity while they continue to search.

"Next time you take me on an outdoor mission in July, remind me that jeans are a bad choice. In fact, I'm starting to think that _Naked_ _Heat_ should be taken literally."

"Since when do you _not_ think that, Castle?"

"Valid point." He pauses for a moment before adding, "Nikki should be naked much more often."

"Because being naked on every cover just isn't enough," she mutters, mostly to herself.

"Can't let the fans down." His eyes gleam at her through the darkness and she shakes her head at him. He's quiet for all of a minute before he resumes complaining. "How much further down this street could it be? It feels like we've been walking forever."

"You didn't have to tag along, you know."

"Tag along?" he scoffs. "Please, like I'd let you go off searching at night on your own with a potential killer on the loose."

She stops and crosses her arms. "Oh, really? And what are you going to do if we run across him, Castle? Beat him to death with your iPhone?"

"Hey now, I think I've proven my usefulness over the past two years."

"Alright," she finally concedes, too tired to argue. "Let's just keep moving."

The truth of the matter is, he _is _useful. So much so that imagining life without him was enough to make her realize exactly what she'd be losing. As much as she'd like to deny it, he makes her stronger. But she's not about to admit that now. Not after he left.

Because she's still not sure why he came back or what it means. Why, one day, only two weeks after he walked away, she arrived at work to find a steaming cup of coffee on her desk and a writer seated in the chair she hadn't had the heart to move. She didn't ask any questions and he didn't offer any details. But he's shown up every day since, their unofficial partnership picking back up like he hadn't ever announced an end to it.

Except it _is_ different now.

How could it not be with so many unspoken words lingering just below the surface?

Sure, things seem normal enough. He still whines and she still scolds; they still finish each other's sentences and play off each other's theories until they solve cases. But after breaking up with Tom and almost spilling her heart in the hallway of the Twelfth, she finds it nearly impossible to ignore what she pushed aside for so long.

She has feelings for Castle.

Feelings that she might have been able to get over had he only stayed away longer. Had she only had the summer to forget the hours she spent summoning the nerve to tell him how she felt and how quickly it all fell apart in front of her when Gina arrived. Why couldn't he have just given her the summer?

_Because he's Castle_, the voice in the back of her head echoes.

He's Castle and instead of being able to build up her defenses, to steel her heart against him, he's still a constant force in her life; this _thing_ between them only intensifying with every look they share, every glancing touch. He just keeps clawing his way in over and over, even after what she thought would finally break them for good.

And the more he claws his way in, the harder it is to deny the inevitable pull between them.

She didn't know what to expect when he came back. Whether he'd still be with Gina - whether he'd assume she was still with Demming. Maybe they'd both made assumptions. But in the weeks that followed, it became clear that there was no one else in the picture. He's been slowly but surely insinuating his way back into her heart (not like he'd ever left it in the first place). And as much as she wants to hate him, as much as she's still hurt by what happened, she realizes that logically he had no way of knowing that she was going to accept his invitation.

But that still doesn't ease the ache inside whenever she thinks about that day_._

And just like that, her mind flashes back to his question – his _invitation_ to the Hamptons. It's churning up all the memories she's spent the past six weeks trying to erase from her mind. He's building up ideas in her head, painting pictures of a Fourth of July spent on the beach, fireworks and bonfires; relaxation and a break from the work she's thrown herself into even harder since Memorial Day.

And it's _tempting._ So very, very tempting.

She shouldn't want to say yes. She'd be crazy to after witnessing how easy it was for him to replace her with Gina.

She _can't_ say yes.

So why does she still want to, in spite of everything that's happened?

She's just about to ask if he's _sure_ they're moving in the right direction when her foot catches against something solid on the ground. She curses as she topples forward, grasping at the empty air and darkness. Just before she can fall flat on her face, Castle catches her. Steady arms lift her body and suddenly she finds herself tucked against his chest, his hands settling at her waist and hers gripping his biceps as he spins her around towards him. Her pulse races as she tries to collect herself and for a moment they stand there frozen, so close she can feel his warm exhales against her cheek.

"You ok?"

She coughs out a shaky breath, never more grateful for the fact that it's pitch black out aside from the phone light. If he could see her more clearly right now she's fairly certain he'd be able to read everything on her face. As it is, he can probably feel her heart pounding; whether it's from the near fall and his proximity, she's willing to bet on the latter.

"Yeah." She clears her throat again, shivering as his thumbs brush over the skin at her hips where her shirt has ridden up. "I'm fine." She drops her hands, intending to put some distance between them.

He releases his grip on her waist at that, but makes no effort to step back. Instead, he lingers as though reluctant to break their connection, reaches up and tucks a stray hair from her now messy ponytail behind her ear. "Good," he says, his voice a little lower, a little rougher than usual. "See, I can be helpful."

She has to force herself to breathe as his fingertips graze her jaw, her eyes slipping shut briefly at the touch.

"Kate -"

"I think we just found our weapon," she interrupts, finally taking a step back while she still has the self-control to do so.

She would swear she sees disappointment flicker in his eyes before he steps back as well. Then, he turns to angle the light at the ground where she tripped. "Yeah. Guess so."

She feels the ghost of his touch the entire way back to the precinct.

And that's why saying yes to the Hamptons would be entirely too dangerous.

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_A.N.: This will be multiple chapters. I'm not sure how many yet. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and appreciate you taking the time to read._


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Thank you all so so much for the sweet and thoughtful reviews. I apologize if I don't get to respond to every one individually, but I truly appreciate them all. Your feedback means a lot to me and I hope that you continue to enjoy this story. _

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**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 2**

He brings it up again later that night when she's so tired she can barely keep her eyes open, paperwork hanging over her head now that they have the evidence they need and a confession logged.

"You still haven't accepted my invitation."

She stares at the form in front of her, pretending to be too engrossed to hear him even though the lines blurred together about forty-five minutes ago. If she ignores him long enough, he might give up.

"Just imagine it, Beckett, the hot summer sun, a cool drink in your hand, palm trees blowing in the wind..."

She sighs. So much for giving up.

"There are no palm trees in New York, Castle."

"Semantics, Detective."

She doesn't even have to look up to know that he's shrugging his shoulders at her, completely undeterred. "It's simple really. You deserve a break and I have the perfect place for the weekend. Besides, everyone else has already agreed to come up in a couple days for the Fourth. It's not like you'll be stuck with just me for long."

He pauses for a moment and she finally raises her head, just in time to see the mischievous grin spread across his face. He places his elbows on her desk and leans closer. "Unless, that is, you're afraid you won't be able to resist my considerable charm and good looks if we're alone together."

She ignores the tiny thrill that sparks through her at the thought of what being _alone_ with Castle would actually entail and carefully neutralizes her expression. She's always had the upper hand in these games with him and she's certainly not going to lose it now.

She moves a fraction closer, bends forward across the desk until they're nearly touching, and waits until she sees the hitch in his breath. She knows the moment she's got him when his eyes glaze over and flicker down to her lips.

"The only thing I won't be able to resist is the urge to shoot you if you don't let me finish my paperwork in peace."

She can't help but laugh when he flops backward in his chair again, pouting as he crosses his arms and mumbles something along the lines of _cruel_ and _evil woman._

She resumes her paperwork just in time to hear the boys approach. _Perfect._

"Yo Castle, why you making that face? Beckett put you in timeout?"

"Yeah man, what'd you do this time? Hide her elephants again?" Ryan chimes in.

She has to bite her lip to keep from groaning as she drops her pen for the countless time of the evening. At this rate, she's never going to make it home tonight. And really, is there _no_ privacy in this place?

Castle sits up straighter, smoothing out his shirt. "I was merely explaining the benefits of taking a weekend off. Don't you think Beckett deserves a vacation?"

Esposito smirks as he turns to look at her and crosses his arms. "How can you turn down watching this guy on water skis?" He points his thumb toward Ryan. "That's just free entertainment right there."

Ryan grins, ignoring Esposito's jab. "Yeah, Beckett, Castle's got a _boat_!"

She attempts to smother a smile at his obvious excitement. "Calm down there, Johnny Vong. Has it ever occurred to you that I might have better things to do with my weekend than watch you boys drown while attempting water sports?"

"What could possibly be more fun than that?" Castle interjects.

"The guy's got a point. When _was_ the last time you took a break?" Esposito asks, still looking entirely too smug for her taste.

_Traitor._

"Yeah, weren't you supposed to take Memorial weekend off with Dem-"

Her face falls as her heart drops somewhere into her stomach. She studiously avoids Castle's eyes while Esposito whacks Ryan upside the head.

Ryan coughs several times and pulls at his sweater. "I mean, you definitely deserve a break, Beckett." He pauses for a moment. "You – uh – have pen on your face."

Esposito snorts. "Really, dude?"

"You've got to be kidding me." She reaches up to swipe at her cheek.

This isn't happening. If she closes her eyes and ignores them all maybe they'll just go away and let her sink somewhere underneath her desk.

"We'll uh, we'll leave you to your paperwork," Ryan stutters. Esposito rolls his eyes as they turn to walk toward the break room. She pretends she can't hear him lecturing Ryan along the way hissing, "S_ubtlety, bro_."

She drops her face into her hands and moans. "Have you really let me sit here all night with pen on my face, Castle?"

"It's adorable."

She raises an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, okay. It hasn't been there _all_ night. Just the past twenty minutes or so." He smiles sheepishly. "I figured it'd help me prove my point. You _do_ need a break."

He gives her a reprieve for the better part of thirty seconds before he switches tactics. "It won't be the same without you, you know."

And there it is – that look again. The one that used to annoy her to no end, all big blue eyes and twelve-year-old disappointment. The one that works more and more often these days because as much as she'd like to ignore it, he appears to be genuine.

So she allows herself a moment to really consider his offer. The one she'd been ready to accept six weeks ago. The one that caused her to break up with a good guy, put her heart on the line when she's not the kind of girl who does that anymore.

She'd be lying if she didn't admit that she's been attracted to Castle for a while now. That her feelings for him haven't been formulating for a year, maybe more, maybe ever since the day she flashed her badge at him, watching amusedly as his daughter plucked a black permanent marker from his hand in that expensive Manhattan penthouse suite.

They've steadily grown against her will, against all her better judgment, thoughts of him crowding her mind, weaseling their way into her heart. The half smiles she can't quite hide when he interrupts her paperwork with stories about Alexis and his mother. The jealousy she has to tamp down when he goes on a date with her high school best friend. She doesn't _want_ to like him with his smug charm, his outlandish theories, and total intrusion into her personal life.

But she does. Heaven help her she does.

She knows it with 100 percent certainty because the thought of him leaving – the _reality_ of him leaving – left a hole in her that sent her straight back to digging into her mother's case.

Which is probably what she'll end up working on the entire weekend if she stays. Her mind flashes to the murder board she's begun to set up in her new apartment, the sticky notes that line her coffee table, and stacks of files with information it's been years since she allowed herself to pour over.

If she stays, she'll fall right back down the rabbit hole.

But if she goes…

Esposito's words ring in her ears. _The guy's done enough research to write fifty books._

Maybe he's right. Maybe it's not about the books anymore. Maybe it never was to begin with.

Because there's something about the way it feels when they're together. The way her heart races when they build theory. The way she wants to share things with him now. How every time he does something stupid that makes her want to scream, he proves his loyalty ten times over by saving her life, dropping everything to be by her side.

The pain of Castle leaving with his ex-wife is still fresh. But it nags at her - the knowledge that it _wasn't_ entirely his fault. She can't deny that she noticed the defeated look on his face when he found out about her weekend plans with Demming. He thought she was taken and he'd bowed out, chosen someone else.

But even at that, he came back. To her.

For the first time in years, she's hopeful. And that's the most terrifying part of it all.

He interrupts her thoughts with a single word. "Please?"

He's still looking at her with the same mixture of hopefulness and cautious anticipation. It doesn't take long before she finally breaks.

"You're not going to quit harassing me 'til I agree, are you?"

If it's possible, his eyes widen even more. Dramatics definitely run in his family. "It's America's Birthday, Beckett."

She rolls her eyes, keeps him waiting for a beat just because she can. "Fine."

His entire face lights up and he opens his mouth to speak but she cuts him off with a finger in the air.

"On one condition."

He practically bounces in his seat. "Name your terms."

"You go home now so I can actually get some work done in time for the weekend."

He grins, stands up, and grabs his coat. "I'll pick you up at 9:00 tomorrow morning. We're going to have so much fun. You won't regret this."

"I already do," she says to herself as he disappears into the elevator.

But she can't mask the smile on her face the rest of the evening.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Thank you guys again for all the wonderful reviews. Multi-chapters are a bit out of my comfort zone so I appreciate all the comments and encouragement. Hope you continue to enjoy!_

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**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 3**

He fully expects her to demand the keys to his Ferrari when he shows up at her place the next morning. He's prepared a speech about it being _his_ car and _his _beach house and _really, Beckett you don't even know the way there_ but when the door swings open and he sees her, he's suddenly at a loss for words.

It's not the way she's dressed - although the flowing yellow tank top and shorts she's got on are infinitely sexy and he briefly weighs his odds at convincing Montgomery to enact a precinct dress code change. It's also not the fact that she keeps wearing her hair down lately in these loose curls while it grows longer, making it entirely too difficult for him not to reach out and run his fingers through it. No, it's not any of that.

It's the way she's looking at him.

It's a weird sort of déjà vu that catches him off guard. She's biting her lip and barely meeting his eyes and suddenly it strikes him that the only time he's ever seen her like this was the last time he left for the Hamptons.

With Gina.

His throat immediately constricts because _this_ is the look he couldn't get out of his head the entire time he was away, the one that haunted his thoughts, kept him awake at night with his ex-wife sound asleep beside him. It's the look that brought him back two weeks later. Because he doesn't know what it means but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was _something_.

He tried to leave. He thought it was for the best - that if he could just distance himself from her, distract himself for a while, he might be able move on and the pain of watching her with Demming would subside. He was justified in it. At least that's what he kept telling himself. She was taken - she didn't want him and there was no reason to stick around and watch as she fell for someone else.

But no matter how hard he tried to forget her, he couldn't.

Forgetting her is impossible.

And that look - it eats at him constantly. The way she was clearly on the verge of telling him something that meant something – talking about things they never talk about, actually admitting that she enjoyed having him there right until Gina showed up and they'd left together. Maybe he'd been warranted in leaving or maybe he'd just been running too.

Regardless, it didn't seem to matter because tamping down his curiosity was never something he'd been good at. Trying to fight it when it concerned Beckett was damn near impossible.

So he'd resolved himself to return, even if it hurt. Because she's worth it to him and he thinks, just maybe, somewhere deep down inside her, he's worth it to her too.

But it's so new - this shy, almost timid version of Beckett. It's foreign to him in a way he never expected after so many months of meeting her walls and snark and sarcasm. He's always prided himself on being able to read her better than most anyone – at seeing through the defenses she so aptly puts up. But this throws him a bit, makes him nervous too because for the first time he doesn't know what it means.

One thing's for sure though - if she's about to back out of going, he's not going to stand for it.

He didn't know what to expect when he came back to the precinct, only prayed that she'd take him back if he behaved. He may not understand exactly what's going on in her mind but he's smart enough to know that they're on the verge of what feels like something more. Something he's willing to fight for.

He'd been prepared for the worst, so the fact that Demming has been nowhere to be found and she's agreed to this weekend is a miracle in itself. Chances like this don't come around often for them and he's not about to let it slip away like the last.

"Ready to go, Detective?"

"Castle…I –"

"Kate." He speaks her name, cuts her inevitable rejection off quickly; and before he can think better of it, he reaches out and touches her arm. Her words falter as her gaze comes to rest on his hand. Her skin is soft under his touch and he's not sure if he imagines it but he'd swear her pulse stutters under his fingertips. It takes all his self-control not to smooth his thumb along her wrist - to slide his hand into hers and attempt to calm whatever this unexpected showing of nerves is.

"I'm really glad you're coming with me this weekend." He speaks the words softly and smiles, still a bit mesmerized by the feel of her.

Her eyes are flickering back and forth between his hand and his gaze and he can't help but revel in the fact that he's left her someone speechless as she opens her mouth and closes it again.

Kate Beckett is beautiful when she's flustered.

He's never fallen for anyone like her before. It's against everything in his nature to take things slow, to let the spark build gradually. He wants to push forward, to do everything he can to show her how much this actually means to him. That she's not just a conquest. She's so much _more._

But he knows she's already spooked. And now's not the time to upset the careful balance of their established boundaries. He's determined to take it one step at a time, whatever it takes so long as she's with him.

So instead, he lets her go, plasters a confidant smile on his face as he reaches to pick up the bag that sits just inside her doorway.

"If you let me carry your suitcase, I might just let you drive."

She's still looking at him with a dazed expression as he straightens back up, her bag tossed over his shoulder. He winks and doesn't give her a chance to object before he's slipping the keys into her hand and walking towards the elevator.

"I was _always_ going to drive, Castle," he hears her mutter from behind him.

He has to bite his lip to keep from laughing as they make their way to the car.

One step at a time…


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: I'm not entirely sure what happened with the website when I posted Chapter 3 last week. Some of you told me the chapter wasn't showing up and I know the alert link didn't work for a while. So just make sure that if you haven't read that one, to check it out before this. Hopefully, no more problems this time! Thank you guys so much for being patient with that and for continuing to read!_

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**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 4**

She's still not entirely sure how she wound up behind the wheel of Castle's Ferrari, driving down Interstate 495 towards the Hamptons. One minute she'd been frantically searching for any excuse to back out of the weekend and the next he was caressing her wrist.

Okay, maybe not _caressing_. But still. It's cheating really – the touching. She's having a hard enough time these days focusing when he's around, much less when he has his hands on her.

His really, _really_ big hands. Nope. _So not going there._

At least he's letting her drive. She's grateful for that much and it's enough of a distraction to keep her from panicking altogether. She kind of assumed he'd annoy her the entire way. Their various road trips to crime scenes and interviews with suspects have always been filled with Castle's moaning about the broken spring in the passenger seat and playing with her radio until she inevitably slaps his hand away and tells him to choose _one_ station and _not _the rap one with the bass so heavy that it gives her a headache and shakes the cruiser.

Today is different though. Today it seems like he has a plan. He'd hooked up his iPod as soon as they got into the car, starting a playlist that has been surprisingly well-suited to the drive.

Maybe it's just that she's never really spent that much time with him outside of work but this mellowed out version of Castle is certainly not what she'd expected when envisioning the ride. Sure, they've occasionally grabbed meals together and she was a guest in his home for a few days after her apartment blew up. But they've always been working, always had cases to guide their conversations. And she'd gotten out of the loft as quickly as she could find a suitable place to stay. One that didn't put her in the immediate vicinity of his huge, entirely too comfortable looking bed and Jacuzzi tub. One that didn't tempt her to _stay._

Work is safe. This is not.

She finds that she likes this side of him though – that it actually puts her at ease. He seems to be surprising her more and more often these days and the nerves that had built up overnight seem to be dissipating with every mile they travel.

The Band's cover of _Atlantic City _starts to play and she relaxes back further into her seat, engaging the cruise control. It's a gorgeous day, practically cloudless, and she's glad Castle insisted they put the top down when they'd stopped to get gas a few miles outside the city.

The sun is warm against her skin and it reminds her of motorcycle rides, the air rushing over her, whipping through her hair. There's something exhilarating about it and she can't suppress the rush of excitement it sends racing through her.

She sneaks a sideways glance at the man in the passenger seat, finds herself smiling at the look of contentment on his face. He's been quiet for the most part, interjecting conversation here and there, letting comfortable silence fill the spaces in between. As though he knows that's exactly what she needs. No pressure – just the reassurance that he's there.

_And not going anywhere this time_, she can't help but hope.

She's the one to break the silence.

"Did you know Springsteen first recorded this song in his bedroom?"

He raises an eyebrow at her. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, he recorded it with just an old Gibson guitar unit and a tape recorder. Apparently, he liked it better acoustic so he left it that way on the album."

"Wow, that's some impressive trivia, Beckett. So tell me," he turns in his seat to face her, "are you a Springsteen groupie? 'Cause I can definitely picture you in a ripped up jean skirt belting out _Dancing In the Dark_."

She can't help but laugh because _this_ is the Castle she knows so well and his description is surprisingly accurate. "Maddy and I may or may not have begged our parents for tickets when he played the Garden. It only took a month before they caved."

"Somehow I imagine teenage Kate Beckett would have found a way to go regardless." He looks at her knowingly and she immediately wonders just _how_ much Maddy told him about her high school years while they were at dinner.

"Yeah, well, I was quite the rebel back then."

"And one day you're going to tell me _all_ the juicy details, right?" He grins. "I mean, solely in the name of research of course."

"You really wanna know how much of a rebel I can be, Castle?" She glances over at him, mouth upturned into a smirk.

"Hell yeah!"

"You sure about that?"

"Bring it on, Beckett."

"Then," she pauses for a moment, watching as his eyes follow the movement of her hand down to grip the gearshift. "You should probably hang on."

Castle lets out an excited yelp as she floors the gas and she can't help but laugh as he throws his hands up to keep his sunglasses from flying off his face.

Twenty minutes later, when she's slowed down to a reasonable speed and resumed the cruise control, he speaks up again.

"Do I even want to know how you learned to drive like that?"

She raises an eyebrow at him.

"Come on, Beckett, that's not fair," he whines. "Ohhh wait, let me guess… you were a getaway driver for a burglary ring?! Or no, that's not badass enough…lemme think. You were in a gang like Fast and Furious. Oh my gosh, I bet you were just like Michelle Rodriguez hanging out of the window of some juiced up neon car while your partner dodged trucks on the highway."

He rattles off several more outlandish theories before she finally stops him. "Really, Castle?"

He shrugs. "It totally could have happened."

She makes him wait a moment before telling him the real story. "My grandfather was a mechanic. He used to rebuild classic cars and then race them upstate on the weekends. When I was in high school, he started taking me to the track with him every now and then. I finally convinced him to teach me how to drive by promising I wouldn't tell my parents." She glances over at Castle and decides to have a little more fun with him by adding, "That's about the time I got my motorcycle."

His jaw drops. "You have a motorcycle?!"

"Yeah, it's '94 Harley softtail. Bought it from my grandpa and worked all through high school to pay for it."

"Can I see it sometime?! How could you have not told me this? This is crucial Nikki Heat information, Beckett!"

"I don't know, maybe I'm just not sure you could handle the sight of me straddling it in tight, black leather." She makes sure to put extra emphasis on the words; and has to turn her head away and bite her lip to keep from laughing when his eyes widen.

"Not even a picture?"

She just shakes her head. "Keep dreaming, Castle."

"Oh, have no doubts, Beckett," he says, voice dangerously low. "I _will_."

She shivers despite the warmth, the tone of his voice affecting her more than she's willing to let on. She forces herself to roll her eyes at him and returns her focus to the road.

And for the hundredth time, she wonders just exactly what she's gotten herself into.


	5. Chapter 5

**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 5**

He has no idea why he was so determined that he be the one to drive them to the Hamptons because Kate Beckett behind the wheel of his Ferrari is arguably the hottest thing he's ever seen.

So much of her skin is exposed that he rarely has the privilege of seeing, bare arms and legs that look tan under the July sun; and the curls that have been taunting him all day long are now tied back into a ponytail that whips around her as they glide down the interstate. When the light glints off of her aviators as she glances down to shift gears, he's fairly certain at this point he'd give her the car just so long as he's always the one riding shotgun.

His heart has finally managed to return to a somewhat normal pulse after her unexpected showing off behind the wheel. And then there's this entirely new knowledge of Beckett owning a motorcycle - he's not sure he'll ever run out of fantasies about _that. _She's right about one thing. He's not sure he can handle her at all.

But he wants more than anything to find out.

He's been sneaking glances at her for the past half an hour, secretly pleased that she seems to be enjoying the playlist he spent several hours putting together the night before. He'd filled it mostly with a mixture of classic rock and beach music, sounds that remind him of lazy afternoons spent on his porch watching the tides change from high to low and back again.

And it's these things he wants so badly to discover – her favorite songs, the trivia she so effortlessly recites to him when a band comes on that she likes, the music that makes her laugh because _she hasn't heard this song in years and it reminds her of the time she and her mom danced around the kitchen with wooden spoons as microphones, baking cookies for her fourth grade class._

There's a lifetime of stories he wants to learn, wants her to share with him – not because of Nikki or research or anything related to a book anymore; but because this woman fascinates him, amazes him with the depths of her strength and the warmth of her soul. Equally excites him with her passion and spontaneity.

Every so often he catches her singing along to a song and as much as he tries not to, he can't help but envision a future with her like this – road trips and vacations, memories they haven't yet made. Her mood is infectious and by the time they reach the main road toward his beach house, he can't keep the smile off his face.

"Turn left up here." He points to the street they're approaching. "It's the second driveway on the right."

She nods and for the first time since they left her apartment, he senses her hesitation. She's chewing on her lip and clenching the wheel a little tighter when they make the turn and for a moment he's afraid she's going to turn the car around or just hop out of it and run. But when she finally pulls up to the gate, he's, once again, infinitely glad that he's in the passenger seat because he wouldn't want to have missed the look on her face for anything.

He tells her the entry code to key in so she that can drive through; and when she parks the car she's so distracted by the view that that he takes the opportunity to open her door for her.

Her expression is nothing short of awe as she steps out and pushes her sunglasses up and over her forehead. He watches her eyes widen as she takes everything in and he badly wishes he could read her mind, know her thoughts as her gaze flickers between him and the home before them.

He blames it on his writer's mind, always overflowing with words, but he thinks he could write a book just about the way she looks standing there in the sunlight, casual and free in a way that he's never seen her before. It's breathtaking. And it's in this moment he realizes why being here with Gina would have never worked, no matter how hard he tried to force it.

Because it's nothing compared to the way he feels about Kate, the way he can't take his eyes off of her, wants to share this with her more than anyone ever before.

Whatever he thought they had, whatever jealousies her ex-boyfriend Will stirred in him a year ago and Demming reignited even stronger, it's only a fraction of his feelings. Only the beginning of something much deeper.

He's only just realizing how far gone he is over her.

And now that he has her here, he never wants to let her go.

* * *

She doesn't know what she imagined, but Castle's Hampton's house is decidedly _not_ a house.

It's a freaking mansion by the sea.

There's a list of adjectives running through her mind, all of which are some form of the word massive, and she can't help but be a little overwhelmed. Because even though it's _Castle_ and she really should have known that if he had a beach house it would be impressive, she still finds herself fumbling for words at the sight of it.

"Wow, Castle. This is gorgeous."

And it is. White windowpanes stand out stark against the dark brown home with two chimneys. She can see bay windows off to the side and if it weren't for the size of the house, it would resemble the more quaint beach cottage her family used to vacation in.

The smell of salt air assaults her senses and she can feel a heaviness in the breeze that swirls around her. It reminds her of vacations past, of walks on the beach and the boy she met one summer at Coney Island and swore to Maddy she was going to marry one day until school started back and the captain of the football team asked her out.

There's just something about the ocean she's been in love with since she was little. And suddenly, she's struck with a memory much more vivid than the rest. All at once she's six again, tugging on her mom's hand and begging to be twirled. Her eyes water a little as she pictures them turning around and around in circles until they'd both collapsed into the sand, dizzy and laughing so hard their stomachs hurt.

Her heart aches briefly at the thought but she shoves it down, concentrates on the man in front of her instead. Castle is beaming at her, clearly excited as he pulls his keys from his pocket and walks toward the door talking a mile a minute.

"The pool and Jacuzzi are just around the back. The beach behind the house is private too. Oh! And there's a wrap-around porch that overlooks it all. You're going to love it, Beckett. I can't wait to show you everything. Just wait 'til you see the rest."

She's still standing near the car, trying her best to recover from the onslaught of emotions and Castle's exuberance when he finally notices she hasn't moved and his voice trails off. He gives her a moment before speaking again.

"Hey, you okay?" His eyes are crinkled and she can tell he's concerned as he takes a tentative step in her direction.

Is she okay? She's suddenly not sure.

Now that she's here, she feels like she's finally facing the reality of everything that's happened over the past month and a half. The fact that he was here not long ago with another woman. That he's probably taken a number of women here before her. Women he wanted to impress. Women that don't have a personal minefield of scars and baggage that come along with them.

Her mind flips back once again to the makeshift murder board in her new apartment. To how deeply she'd probably be engrossed in crime scene photos and case documents if she weren't here with him now. She is, without a doubt, a complete disaster.

It's not often that she's insecure and while she knows deep down that she's not just a conquest anymore, she also doesn't know what exactly she means to him.

And the truth of the matter is, she's _scared._

He has the power to hurt her. Again.

And she has the power to screw things up royally with all of her own insecurities and defenses.

But she can't exactly tell _him_ that. They don't talk about _feelings_ and they certainly don't talk about what _they_ are_._ She forces herself to snap out of it and shakes her head. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine."

He closes the remaining space between them, gently places a hand against her lower back. "Come on, I'll give you the grand tour." He's smiling at her again, but it's a different one this time - one that somehow steadies her nerves a bit.

She doesn't know how he manages to do that. But he does.

So she focuses on the comfort of his touch and takes a deep breath, tries to prepare herself for whatever happens next.

* * *

_AN: Thank you all again so much for reading and for your reviews! I always really appreciate your feedback. If anyone is interested, I posted Castle's playlist for their drive. You can find the link to it on my tumblr page: sunrisefromindigo dot tumblr dot com. _


	6. Chapter 6

**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 6**

Every room seems bigger than the last.

Natural light streams in from a large group of windows along the back of the house and it brightens all it touches, giving the place an almost ethereal glow. Castle leads her into the living room, and she can't help but admit how breathtaking the view is when she sees the perfectly manicured green grass that stretches out toward the dunes. She immediately understands why he was so eager to show this to her. Everything about the place makes her feel lighter.

She takes note of the space as they walk, the personal touches Castle and his family have added over the years. She's pleasantly surprised to find that while the house is kept in impeccable condition, it's also distinctly _Castle._

There's a certain comfort in that. It's the same realization she came to after first visiting the loft. That even for all of his money, there's nothing ostentatious about Castle's family life. He maintains a bubble of privacy in his own way, not so unlike her, only letting those he really trusts into his home. The fact that he's welcomed her into that home and his life from the very beginning touches her more than she's willing to admit. But it's one of the reasons she first began to give him a chance. Because underneath all the fame and the page six persona, he's _real_. And he makes her feel like she belongs.

Castle is the consummate guide, telling her stories and pointing out pictures that line the walls along the way. He stops occasionally to explain trinkets Alexis has made and pieces that Martha has picked out _that he really wishes the cleaning staff would 'accidently' misplace_. She gets to hear about the first time he took Alexis fishing, somehow managing to tangle himself in the line while demonstrating the proper technique. She adds her own memories from summer vacations that leave him laughing and prodding her for more details.

She tries her best to defend his mother when he rambles about her escapades (_it's even worse here in the Hamptons, Beckett_). But when they reach a new sculpture that Martha supposedly added the previous weekend - something she can only conclude is a golden pig with two heads - she finally has to concede defeat. Not before she has a little fun though.

"Come on, Beckett, you cannot tell me that mutant version of Babe is considered 'art'!"

"Maybe it was a gift?" she hedges.

"If that_ thing_ was a gift, then I really hope I never meet the friend who gave it to her. It's totally creepy." He stares at the statue, evaluating. "Do you think it's staring at me?"

She cocks her head, looks at the artwork pretending to think about her response. "Huh, you know, now that you mention it, I think I've read about this statue before."

He stares at her. "Really?"

She runs her hand along the piece, then places a finger against her chin and turns back to him. "Yeah, I definitely have. It was in my art history textbook at Stanford. Wow, Castle, this piece is famous."

"The two-headed pig is famous?" He looks incredulous.

"There's this crazy story about it." She pauses and feigns skepticism. "I probably shouldn't tell you. I remember being seriously freaked out after my professor's lecture. I can't believe your mom brought it here."

"Beckett!" he exclaims, suddenly much more interested. "What is it? Don't you remember the mummy case?! If there's a curse on that sculpture you have to tell me!"

"Okay, okay." She rolls her eyes. "So back in the 1800s, there was this family in Georgia who owned a slaughterhouse."

"Oh my God, it was haunted wasn't it?"

"Yes, Castle, a haunted slaughterhouse, just like in _all_ the horror movies," she says sarcastically. "Are you going to let me tell the story or not?"

"Right, sorry, shutting up."

"Alright, so one of the top buyers in the meat market at that time gave them this sculpture as a Christmas gift. Supposedly it became one of the family's most prized possessions, as it was made from pure gold and was extremely valuable. They kept it in the foyer of their house to show off whenever they had guests over. But here's where it gets interesting." She stops for a moment, watches as his eyes widen while he waits her out.

"What happened?" he asks impatiently.

"One night in the summer of 1854, there was a bad storm. The locals suspected that the house must have gotten struck by lightning because a huge fire spread that burnt down both the family home and the slaughterhouse. The entire family died. Here's the weird part though, when people arrived the next morning, this sculpture was the only thing left unharmed."

Castle shifts back and forth nervously. "But that's because it's gold, right?"

"Right. Well, that's what the assumption was until…"

"Until what?!"

She shrugs. "It's probably just folklore but the sculpture was willed to the husband's cousin who was thrilled because he wasn't nearly as well off as the rest of the family. He intended to sell it. The night that he picked it up though, he woke up to the sound of wailing like nothing he'd ever heard before. He searched the entire house and backyard and couldn't find anything but the screams continued." She imitates the wails, letting her voice build and carry.

"It happened again and again." She repeats the sound. "Again and again every night until he sold the sculpture and that's when he finally realized what it was."

"What was it?" he whispers.

She doesn't respond, forces herself to look worried, as though she doesn't want to tell him. As the seconds pass, she can see him starting to look frantic, pacing back and forth in front of her.

"It's cursed isn't it?!" he practically shouts. "I knew that thing looked evil. There is no way it's staying in the house tonight!"

He's getting more and more worked up and she lets him go on for a bit until she finally can't contain her laughter anymore. It bursts out of her in peels until she's doubled over, holding her stomach while he glares at her.

"That was _mean_,Beckett! You are going to pay for that!" He scoffs at her.

"I'm sorry, Castle. The look on your face," she manages to get out between laughs, mimicking his expression. "You're so easy!"

"I don't care what you say, that thing is hideous and it's sleeping outside."

She's still laughing when he all but throws the piece onto the back porch and ushers her upstairs, too caught up to even notice the way she leans into his touch this time.


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: I know I'm a broken record, but thank you all so much for continuing to read and leave me feedback. I can't emphasize enough how happy it makes me and how much I appreciate it. I hope you continue to enjoy this AU fic._

* * *

**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 7**

After depositing her bag in one of the upstairs bedrooms, he pours them each a glass of wine and they wander outside. It's a hot afternoon but the sky is an endless shade of blue and the wind off the ocean makes July comfortable here. Puffy, white clouds swirl above them and it's a sharp contrast to the humid, sticky mess they left in the city. She revels in it, wishes she could bottle it up, savor the feeling.

He leads her to a pair of large, white beach chairs overlooking the Atlantic with a small table in between where they deposit their glasses. As they settle in, she leans her head back against the wood, closes her eyes for a moment, enjoying the warmth of the sunshine soaking into her skin.

A few minutes later, when she reaches to take a sip of her wine, she thinks that this may be the most surreal day she's had in ages. Never in a hundred years did she believe that she'd wind up here after Castle left with Gina at the beginning of the summer. It's all kind of crazy and she's not entirely sure what to feel.

In the back of her mind, there are still so many insecurities that linger – so many questions she can't quite ignore.

"Are you sure you're okay, Beckett?"

She must have been quiet for longer than she realized because his words startle her out of her thoughts and for a moment she's unsure what to say. As scared as she is of this trip, of what there is between them and what happens next, it's been easy – being with him today, outside of the world they're used to and on their own. It's easy in a way she's unable to define and she knows that has to mean something too. That regardless of all that's happened, they keep ending up together. But she's also tried being honest before, tried being open with him six weeks ago and it blew up in her face. So she does what she's taught herself to do for the past eleven years. She deflects.

"I'm fine, really. Just a little tired from the drive. But it's nice out here."

He smiles at her and nods, seemingly willing to accept her answer. Then he speaks up again before she can go back to overanalyzing.

"This house was one of the first things I bought after Alexis was born. I wanted a place for us to come outside of the city. I wasn't getting much sleep at the time. Meredith was always off auditioning for some new role and the longer I spent in our apartment, the more overwhelmed I felt. So I drove up here one weekend with Alexis just to get away and wound up falling in love with this place."

"I can see why. It really is beautiful, Castle."

He smiles at her again, his eyes a little distant as he speaks, "I still remember the first night we spent here, just Alexis and me. It was so…peaceful. I kept Alexis's crib in my bedroom and opened the window. The sound of the ocean put her out right away. When I woke up the next morning, I wrote for the first time in months."

She can picture it so easily. A younger Castle sitting on the same porch swing he showed her on their way outside, fingers curled around a pen, ideas flowing onto page after page with the ocean as his backdrop. It makes her smile, thoughts of him with a baby Alexis here, writing words she fell in love with long before she ever knew him.

"Meredith didn't come with you?" She can't help but ask. She knows that Castle essentially raised Alexis on his own but he's never really mentioned what happened between he and his first ex-wife. Aside from repeatedly mentioning Meredith's tendency for dramatics.

"She was in L.A. at the time. She was in L.A. most of the time," he adds.

"I'm sorry."

And she _is_ sorry. Sorry for a lot of assumptions she's made along the past two years because regardless of her own reservations, she knows Castle is good and kind and not at all the person she believed he was at first. It makes her ashamed but more so it makes her determined. She may be scared of risking her heart but she's also not going to write him off so easily anymore.

He shrugs. "It probably sounds terrible, but honestly, it was better that way. Don't get me wrong, I've always hated the fact that Alexis has missed out on having a mother in her life. There are certain things," he shudders, "that I just can't relate to a way a mother could. But Meredith was, and still is, like a tornado. Whenever she was around, it was chaotic. It always has been. It's what attracted me to her in the beginning because she was fun – we had fun – but it was hardly a stable relationship."

She nods, processing this new knowledge. "I guess the bubble always bursts eventually, huh?"

He's quiet for a moment, taking a drink from his wine glass as he looks out at the beach. "Not if you're in it with the right person."

Her eyes flicker to his face but he doesn't look at her, just keeps on watching the waves, swirling the wine around in his glass as though there's no underlying subtext to his statement. Maybe there isn't, but the words affect her nonetheless; and before she realizes it, she's volunteering information she's only ever told Lanie.

"Will was the total opposite Meredith. With him, everything was defined, set in stone. I thought that's what I needed then. He was stable and everything else in my life had been such a mess for so long. And it was okay for a while but when he got the FBI offer, he just expected me to leave with him. Like he couldn't even conceive that I might want to stay. And there was a part of me that realized, right then, that if I chose Will, there'd never be any surprises. I don't know, maybe part of me will always be a rebel," she adds, with a laugh.

"Yin, yang, remember?"

"Ahh, yes, your panda theory. What did you say again? That he was the male version of me?"

He considers her for a moment. "I was wrong though."

"Hmm? How so?" she asks, fingers dancing around the edge of her glass.

"You're just...more than that." He pauses. "You surprise me, Kate."

He turns to look at her when he speaks the last four words, his expression serious. It's a different look than she's ever seen on him before. His eyes seem to burn right through her as if he can read her own thoughts and it both unnerves her and makes her heart race at the same time. It's like she's naked in front of him and all at once she so badly wishes she could just say how she feels, let go of all her fears. Time seems to slow down as he shifts in his chair and moves his hand closer, eventually brings it to her cheek, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

"I've been wanting to do that all day," he says softly.

She swallows, knows unequivocally that now is the only chance she has to stop this, to move back without it going any further while there's some chance of pretending like nothing happened in the first place. But his touch sends a wave of chills down her spine and the only thing she can focus on is how close his mouth is to hers now. She feels her eyes drifting shut and his breath against her cheek. She leans in to close the remaining space between them.

And then his phone rings.

She jumps back at the sound and lets out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

Castle looks equally stunned, tries to mask his disappointment as he grabs his phone and holds up his hand in an apology, mouthing, "Alexis."

She nods her head and smiles politely before sinking back in her chair with a silent groan.

He chats animatedly with his daughter while her thoughts swirl in an endless cycle – most centering around some version of _what the hell just happened?_

But amongst those thoughts is one that's particularly louder than the rest.

_He's more than she ever expected too._


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: You guys are the best. Thank you for every kind review. Only a few chapters left. _

* * *

**All I Want Is Now - Chapter**** 8**

He makes her dinner.

After their _almost kiss_ earlier, he needs the distraction because literally all he can think about is the look on her face when he touched her cheek and the way her eyes fluttered shut as he leaned in.

The way _she_ leaned in too.

He can't stop seeing it. Can't stop reliving the feel of her beneath his fingertips. Can't stop hearing the tiny catch in her breath. And ever since that moment there's been an undercurrent of electricity between them that's impossible to ignore. His body thrums with it.

And it's driving him crazy.

She's been extra quiet since they came inside. Not necessarily in a bad way – just more careful, more observant and less teasing. Like her own body is full of the same unresolved tension and she's nervous about what happens next, caught in between maintaining their usual rhythm and what feels inevitable now. He _knows_ she feels it.

So when she excuses herself to take a shower, he's almost relieved – needs the short break to regain some control over his rapidly fading restraint. He puts his excess energy to use slicing vegetables and boiling pasta. He hums as he makes his way around the kitchen assembling ingredients, letting the small tasks relax him again, settle the parts of him that are still itching to touch her.

And his mind wanders to their conversation instead.

She shocked him, opening up about Will. It's not that he couldn't have guessed why things didn't work out in their relationship; but it pleases him nonetheless that she chose to tell him. That whether in big pieces or small, she's letting him in again, sharing parts of her life that matter to her.

He's always sensed that despite the seriousness of her job and her undying dedication to finding justice, she appreciates the levity he brings. She's even reassured him of that on a few occasions. But that's work related. And there are times when he questions how she feels – if he really would fit into her life outside the precinct.

He wants to be good for her. He believes that he could be, if she'd let him. And now, for the first time, it feels like she's dropping some of that heavily built up armor. That she's letting him see that she does need the fun and laughter and _surprises_. Not just in her workday. But in a relationship too.

He lets the knowledge of that sink in while he works. It spreads warmth through him, gives him hope that regardless of their missteps, there's still a world of possibility only waiting for them to dive in.

He's just pulling bread out of the oven when he hears her coming down the stairs.

"I hope you're hungry, Detective, because I may have gone a little overboard on dinner."

When he turns, he finds her standing a few feet away, staring at him with raised eyebrows and looking so beautiful it almost makes him drop the plates he's just grabbed for them. She's wearing a green sundress that brings out a shade of her eyes he's never quite noticed before and gone are the heels he's grown so accustomed to. Instead, she's got on a pair of flat sandals that emphasize their height difference. It rattles him a little, seeing her this way. It makes him want to drag her towards him, wrap his arms around her and settle his chin against the top of her head. She's gorgeous and glowing and he might actually be gaping now because her expression is quickly turning to a mixture of amusement and shyness.

She finally nudges him with her shoulder, laughing. "May have, huh? I'm pretty sure there's enough to feed a small army. Smells amazing though."

He shrugs sheepishly as she takes a plate from him. "It seemed like a good night for pasta. We can eat outside if you like?"

"Sounds perfect." She smiles and he has to force himself to breath. "And Castle," she adds, tossing a glance at him over her shoulder as she makes her way to the porch. "I _am_ hungry."

He nearly trips on his way to the door.

* * *

Dinner is incredible.

She might have actually moaned a little when she took her first bite of the chicken piccata and angel hair Castle prepared for them. She knew he could cook, was treated to several brunches during her short stay at his loft, but he's never made anything this elaborate for her. And they've definitely never eaten together surrounded by nothing but the fading sun and the sound of waves crashing in the background.

Everything about it is gorgeous, romantic.

And overwhelming.

Ever since the afternoon, the kiss that nearly happened and their conversation she's been fighting the urge to touch him again. It's no longer a question of how she feels. She knows she wants this – wants _him._ But she still isn't quite sure how to get there.

It makes her hyperaware of every word, every brush of his hand against hers in the salad bowl and glance of his feet underneath the table.

She's trying though.

And maybe it's the red wine he's chosen to go with dinner, rich and warm against her tongue. Maybe it's the way he keeps sneaking these looks at her when he thinks she's not paying attention. Or maybe it's just that there's something enchanting about a summer evening in the Hamptons, fireflies lighting up against the dusk. But something about the night makes her brave, makes her not want this moment to end.

He must sense it or else he feels it too because when he comes back outside after clearing their plates he asks, "Want to take a walk on the beach?"

"Sure." She nods, follows along after him as he leads her down the path through his backyard. They slip off their sandals when they reach the dunes and she sighs, digging her toes into the sand. It's still warm from the day and she relishes the feel of it underneath her feet as they continue down toward the water.

"What would you do if I threw you in right now, Beckett?"

His eyes are teasing when she turns to smirk at him, and she kicks a little water toward his legs – a challenge. "Try it and find out."

He grins. "On the other hand, we could just go skinny dipping. Private beach and all."

"Don't you know you're not supposed to go swimming for an hour after eating, Castle?" She's careful to keep her voice light but she can feel the heat begin to swim in her veins at the idea. Her stomach flutters and she has to turn away before he can see the hint of a smile cross her lips.

"Who said anything about swimming?"

She shoves him playfully at that, rolling her eyes as he stumbles and has to grab her arm to keep from falling. She can't help but laugh though because this is the Castle she knows and something about it steadies her.

"You never give up do you?" she asks, shaking her head.

"Not on you." He stops walking and looks at her, expression more serious than before. She can feel her face turning red and she ducks her head slightly, bumps her shoulder against his and they fall into step again, hands brushing occasionally as they walk parallel to the shore.

The night is falling now and it's almost completely dark. She takes note of how clearly she can see the stars here. How they reflect against the water.

Her heart pounds in their shared silence, nerves increasing again with every step. But this time it's not fear, it's anticipation. She can't seem to get a grip on it, much like this entire weekend. He's a force she can't contain and no matter what, they keep on gravitating towards each other.

She's just waiting for the collision.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice breaks the silence.

"Still not gonna skinny dip with you, Castle."

"Not what I meant."

Something about the tone of his voice stops her. She turns her head to look at him, watches the way he stares out at the ocean. He's still serious, a little shy even. Her throat constricts. "What is it?"

He pauses as if he's reconsidering; but decides to go for it anyway. "Why did you break up with Demming?"

She exhales slowly, waits for a moment, thinking before she echoes the words she said six weeks earlier. She wills her voice to be strong. "He wasn't what I was looking for."

He's stopped walking too and they stand in place, letting the tide wash over their feet and back out again. She knows what the next question will be before he ever asks it. Maybe she's been waiting for it all day long, ever since she mentioned Will. That doesn't make it any easier, any less terrifying to answer.

"What are you looking for?"

She watches him, sees how genuine he is, the way the moonlight frames his face and suddenly she realizes maybe it's not so hard after all.

"Something more."

His eyes flash in the dark, filling with something she recognizes as hope. They're seeking answers from her just like they did in the sunlight earlier, cautiously optimistic, and in that moment he's like an open book. He's letting her see it all on his face, the way he's done a hundred times before when she was just too blind to see it.

And suddenly she can't take it anymore. Can't let another moment pass them by.

So she swallows her fear and steps closer, watching the way he watches her – the way his gaze drifts down to her lips and his body tenses when she brings her hand up to trace his jaw.

"Ask me again, Castle."

"Wh-What are you looking for, Kate?" he stutters out, his voice barely a whisper as she threads her fingers through his hair.

"You," she breathes. "I only want you."

Then she closes the rest of the distance between them, lips finally meeting his.


	9. Chapter 9

**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 9**

She's kissing him.

Kate Beckett is kissing him and he has no words for it. His mind has gone deliciously blank, void of anything but the feel of her mouth moving against his, her fingertips dancing across his skin. Her touch is gentle, exploratory, as though she's mapping the planes of his face, memorizing each detail.

She pulls back for a moment and there's something beautiful about it, or maybe she's just beautiful like this, letting him see her, _all _of her, for the first time. The way she's looking at him almost reverently, like she's every bit as surprised as he is by the spark between them. She's lighting every cell of his body on fire and suddenly he needs her closer – needs her to never, ever stop.

So he weaves a hand through her hair and angles her mouth to his again, sliding his tongue across the seam of her lips. She opens to him immediately, hands clenching against his biceps. And then she lets out this tiny little moan that almost does him in right then and there. His heart is racing and he can't get enough, knows that now that he's touched her, tasted her, he will never be the same again.

He's so caught up in the moment that he's only vaguely aware of the noises around them, flashes of light that have her startling back, her hands dropping away from him. His body protests at the loss and she can't go far, as one of his hands is still tangled in her hair, the other splayed against her lower back. He can't seem to let go.

"Fireworks," she whispers against his cheek, chest still heaving against his.

"Mmm, yeah, you can say that again."

She rolls her eyes, shaking her head, and takes another step back. He releases her this time with a pout. "No, Castle, _actual_ fireworks." She points overhead and he follows her gaze, finally noticing the red, white, and blue explosions.

"Oh. Wow!"

"Yeah," she breathes, her eyes wide, fixed on the show they're getting.

He takes a risk, missing her touch already (_he's such a goner_) and slips an arm around her waist. He's inordinately relieved when she curls into his side without objection and they watch silently for a while. But as star shaped fireworks light up the sky, he can't help but be distracted by the feel of her against him, the way the colors shine across her face, and the joy written in her expressions. It feels natural to be with her here. It feels _right_ and he revels in the way they fit together – can't help but hope that she feels even the slightest fraction of what he feels for her.

As the show comes to an end, she turns her face toward his again, eyes gleaming in the light of the last colorful set of sparklers. "You sure you didn't plan that, Castle?"

"What?! A Fourth of July fireworks show timed to begin during our first kiss? Come on, I'm not _that_ cheesy."

She raises her eyebrows.

"Okay, you have to admit that'd have been pretty badass, Beckett. I _wish_ I could claim it." He crosses his arms and shrugs. "So sue me, I'm a hopeless romantic."

She laughs, shoving at him playfully. "You're hopeless, alright."

He catches her hand in his, laces their fingers. He looks down at their joined palms for a moment, still a little dazed over the line they've crossed tonight. He knows they need to talk, that there's still a hundred things to say but he seems to have lost all ability to string together sentences. She does that to him - somehow steals his words and makes them overflow all at once.

"Staring is still a little creepy, Rick."

He catches her eye when she says his name and finds that she's amused, pleased too, although she'd probably like to hide that fact. But he knows her, can tell by the way her eyes crinkle at the sides, by the hint of a smile across her lips. He _really_ wants to kiss her again.

But he won't. Not until she knows how much this means to him.

"I'm really glad you came this weekend."

She looks down, biting at her lip as she drags her toes across the sand. He wonders briefly if she's going to shut him out again. He doesn't think he would survive it now.

"What made you invite me again?" Her voice is hesitant, like she needs to know and is afraid of his answer at the same time.

He breathes a sigh of relief. He can do this. He can be open, as long as she gives him the chance.

"Because I always wanted to bring you here, to share this with you. I'm not going to lie and say I haven't wanted this, wanted _you_ for a long time." He gestures between them and squeezes her hand gently, watching the relief reflected back in her own eyes. "But mostly, I know that you throw yourself into work and don't stop to breathe. That you haven't taken even a day off since I came back this summer and I hoped that if nothing else, you'd be able to relax for a weekend."

Her voice is somehow even smaller when she asks, "But why did you come back, Castle?"

He lets go of her hand and shrugs his shoulders as he thinks of how to respond. A moment passes while he stares out at the ocean and then turns back to her, mind made up. "Because I care about you too much to walk away now. I came back because even if it meant watching you with Demming or someone else entirely, at least I'd get to be the one bringing you coffee, making you laugh, building theory with you. Maybe it's stupid or crazy or _hopeless_, but it stopped being about Nikki a long time ago." He takes a deep breath. "I tried to leave and I couldn't, Kate. I was miserable here because all I could see was you."

She meets his eyes slowly and he sees then the moisture in hers. He sees how much it means, the words he's just given her. And then she surprises him again.

"I was going to say yes the day you left, in the hall at the precinct."

His stomach sinks, face falling at the realization that he's been right this whole time. That she _was_ going to tell him something. Regret pools inside him at the memory of his ex-wife showing up and the way he'd pretended like it was the easiest thing in the world to walk away.

"It's – it's not your fault," she says, interrupting his thoughts and placing her hand on his arm. "You didn't know. You _couldn't_ have known." Her voice softens. "I don't blame you, Castle."

"But I should have let you finish. You were in the middle of telling me something and I just walked away and-"

She cuts him off. "But you came back, Rick. That's what matters the most. We _both_ made mistakes. I waited far too long, denying how I felt about you and what's been right in front of me this whole time. Hell, even the boys could see it. So maybe you were jealous, a little bit petty," she smirks, "but seeing you with Gina that day made me realize just how much I was losing too."

He smiles a little at that and she returns it shakily. "I'm a mess, Rick. That's what I was going to tell you that day. That I know I'm not the easiest person to be with. I don't open up. I've built a wall around my heart ever since my mom died and there's a part of me that's terrified of letting anyone in again. But…" she pauses, her eyes flashing in the moonlight, voice steadier now. "You're the first person I've wanted to knock it down. The _only_ one."

His mouth is on hers then, his hand cupping the side of her face, fingers tangling in her hair once more as he pours everything he doesn't have the words to say into the kiss. She tastes like wine and the ocean breeze, like hope and a future so full of possibility his heart could burst with it. Every time he thinks he knows the depth of his feelings, she surprises him all over again; and he wonders if he'll ever even begin to solve the mystery of Kate Beckett.

He thinks he wouldn't mind spending a lifetime trying.

* * *

_AN: Thank you all for the continued support and comments! I'm not used to writing multi-chapters and you've made this really fun. One more chapter to go! _


	10. Chapter 10

**All I Want Is Now - Chapter 10**

_One year later_

"You're stunning." He murmurs the words along the shell of her ear, mouth trailing upwards to press against her temple as his hands wind around her waist from behind. She looks up from where she'd been smoothing down the front of her deep green sundress to meet his gaze in the mirror. There's a spark in his eyes that accompanies the upturn of his lips and she returns the smile easily, relaxing into his arms. She allows him to hold her there for a moment, enjoying the solid warmth of his chest at her back.

He feels good - smells good too, she thinks when he presses another kiss to her cheek and she catches the familiar scent of his aftershave. It makes her think of mornings getting ready for work, dancing around each other in the loft as they throw on clothes and swap turns making coffee; the date nights he insists on planning for her that are always accompanied by too much food and just enough wine. But most of all it brings to mind the press of him against her in bed, the smell of his pillowcase next to hers after a long day at the precinct when they finally make it home and fall into his sheets together.

She can't help but smile even wider as her mind wanders, and she ducks her head slightly to shield it from his view, grabbing a silver bracelet off the dresser to complete her evening attire. She slides the cool metal over her wrist and schools her expression before she checks her reflection one last time.

"And you're slow," she finally throws back at him, turning in his arms and taking note of his current state of undress, eyes flickering down and over his half-clothed body.

"And whose fault is that, Detective?" he asks, trailing a finger down her side, drawing her closer where his hand grips her waist. She shivers involuntarily, warmth pooling in her stomach at his touch. "I do believe that someone distracted me while I was getting ready."

"Is that right?" She smirks, doing her best to ignore the patterns his fingers are painting over her bare skin where the back of her dress opens. Arousal flares in her stomach and she really shouldn't want him again so soon. But she does. (_She always does_, even after a year_)._ "I wasn't aware you couldn't keep up."

"Oh, I never said I was complaining. Feel free to thoroughly distract me anytime, Beckett."

His eyes flash at her darkly, and he leans in as though he's going to kiss her. Her pulse races in anticipation as her gaze drops down to his lips and maybe she will distract him again (_and again and again_). Her mouth parts on it's own volition but at the last second he detours to the right, lips grazing her ear as he speaks, "Patience, Kate, we have a party to host."

He steps back abruptly, and it's his turn to smirk when she let's out a disappointed huff.

"You'll pay for that, Rick."

He winks at her as he buttons the shirt he's picked out to wear for their 4th of July party. "Don't worry. I'll make it up to you later. _Multiple_ times."

She continues to glare at him, feigning disinterest in his suggestion as he finishes getting ready, even though there's an undercurrent of electricity still zipping through her veins.

She watches as he checks out his reflection in the mirror, seemingly satisfied, then holds out a hand, drawing her close again. He doesn't bypass her mouth this time when he leans in, kissing her gently. It's soft and slow and she sighs into it, his tongue lazily sliding along hers, doing nothing to quell the need inside her but eradicating her annoyance all the same. She eventually forces herself to break away, resting her head against his.

"Come on Castle," she whispers. "Let's go celebrate America's birthday."

* * *

She's been touching him all night.

At first he barely notices. It's a glancing brush of her hand across his when she passes him a glass of wine, the nudge of her hip and her fingers on his arm while they chat with the boys about the case they closed right before leaving the city. It's little points of contact he's grown used to, that he doesn't think twice about anymore because it's second nature. It's _them _and they've always been synced in a way he's long since quit trying to understand.

But then she gets bolder.

Her foot rests against his underneath the table while they eat, slides higher over his calf until he has to cough and pretend like he swallowed wrong to hide the way his body jumps at her touch.

She steps in closer than necessary to whisper in his ear, her hand trailing down his side until he catches it in his and squeezes in warning.

She's paying him back for earlier and he knows it. His body _definitely_ knows it, judging by the amount of restraint he's employing to resist dragging her back upstairs away from their friends and family and making things up to her like he promised.

But it's not just the touching. It's everything about her tonight. She's gorgeous and glowing and his heart is so full at the sight of her here with him in the Hamptons again, surrounded by all the people he loves.

They've come so far in just a year and a part of him has always known she was it for him - that taking a chance and asking her to come to the Hamptons last July was only the beginning.

He can't imagine his life without her in it, without the way she inspires him every day, challenges him and supports him at the both. She makes him a better man. Makes him want to be more.

His eyes cut to her across the room as he hears her laughter and he can't help but watch as she smiles at something Lanie has said. She's been chatting with her friend while he mingles, catching up with old neighbors and making sure everyone has a drink in hand.

But even as they've been apart he's found it difficult not to look her way. In fact, it's near impossible. Her fingers are clutched around a glass of Sangria that perfectly matches her lips as she takes a sip, exposing the long line of her throat when she tilts the drink back. He fights the urge to groan because she's just so devastatingly beautiful and suddenly all he wants is to be alone with her, to hold her and tell her how lucky he is. Prove to her over and over that he's never been happier in his life.

And to hell with it, it's his party, his house, why shouldn't he?

"Well, aren't you two just adorable?"

Castle turns his head at the sound of Ryan's voice just in time to see the boys approaching him, twin smirks on their faces.

"Yeah bro, you're totally whipped. At least wait until we're gone before you start making that love struck face at Beckett." Esposito shakes his head, pretending to be disgusted. But then they all hear Lanie let out a laugh of her own and Castle watches the detective eyeing her with a similar look only moments later.

"Like you're any better." Castle laughs and Esposito glares at him, finally tearing his eyes away from the M.E while Ryan looks equally amused.

"I'm supposed to be making sure her drink stays full, that's all," he grumbles.

"And I'm the one who's whipped?" Castle laughs again, slapping Esposito's shoulder playfully.

Espo shrugs, switching tactics. "At least neither of us is as bad as Honeymilk over here."

They both laugh at Ryan's protests and Castle eventually changes the subject, making plans for the following day (more failed water sports of course) until they've all finished their drinks. Ryan excuses himself to find Jenny and Esposito walks back to the kitchen to grab another beer (and a drink for Lanie no doubt), leaving Castle alone with his thoughts once more.

His eyes drift to Beckett again and this time he catches her gaze across the room where she's still conversing with Lanie. She smiles at him softly, the same look on her face as when he held her in front of the mirror earlier when she thought she could hide it from him. But she can't. Not anymore. And he revels in that fact.

Dying to get her alone for a moment or two, he sets his empty glass down and makes his way across the room toward her.

"Mind if I borrow Beckett for a moment?"

Lanie eyes him all too knowingly, brown eyes teasing. "She's all yours, Writer Boy. Javi should be back with drinks any minute now anyway." She winks at Beckett when Castle grabs her hand. "Have fun you two."

Kate looks up at him half-amused, half-curious but doesn't resist when he leads her through the front door and out into the warm night.

* * *

"You have something to show me in the driveway, Castle?"

She doesn't bother to hide her laughter when they finally come to a stop underneath the trees in his front yard and she looks around, expecting some kind of ridiculous surprise like she's almost grown used to since they've been together. _Almost_.

But he surprises her in a different way this time.

"Maybe I just wanted to be alone with you for a moment, Detective," he murmurs. "Or maybe - maybe I just wanted a dance."

He holds his hand out, a question written on his face and her breath catches at the memory of a year ago, of the same question he'd asked that night after they'd made their way in from the beach - after finally admitting how they felt for one another.

_Will you dance with me, Kate?_

She hadn't been expecting it now, just like it was the last thing she'd expected then. She can still remember the way she felt that night, all the desire, the unreleased tension that had been building for two years, the way his touch set her on fire and she'd figured…well, she guesses she'd always thought that if they ever did ever start something it'd be quick, a frenzy of passion and the culmination of everything they'd denied for so long.

And it was that too, eventually. It was that in so many ways.

But there was this first.

A slow dance - his arms around her waist, her head against his shoulder. The quiet sway of their bodies to a song that spoke of not giving up, of second chances, and so much love her heart could barely contain it.

So much more than she'd ever imagined it could be.

She still doesn't know how long they'd spent on his back porch that night, moving to the sound of the ocean and his whispered words in her ear. But it meant everything to her, gave her the courage to try, to let him inside the parts of her she'd kept guarded for longer than even he knew.

And she couldn't be more grateful for it now.

"I'd love to dance with you."

She toes off her shoes, feet sinking into the grass as he wraps his arms around her waist. They're close enough that they can still make out the faint sound of music playing from inside the house, but far enough that it feels private. Like they're the only two people in the world.

She closes her eyes when his lips ghost across her cheek, leans into his touch while they turn slowly. She inhales the salty breeze as it dances around them, ripples through her hair, and she thinks that it's possible she's never been so happy as she is in this moment.

"I love you, Kate," he speaks, as though he's read her mind. "Thank you for coming here, for giving us a chance."

She pulls back at his words, just enough to look him in the eyes when she says, "There's no place I'd rather be."

* * *

Later that night, when their guests have gone to bed, she takes her time proving how much she loves him too.

And when he touches her here, it's everything she remembers it being before and it's everything yet to come.

* * *

_AN: I just want to thank you guys so so much for reading and being patient since it took me forever to finish this last chapter. I am thankful for each and every one of your reviews, follows, and faves and have really enjoyed writing this story. I hope you've enjoyed it!_


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